Games People Play
Notes and synthesis of the book "Games People Play - Eric Berne" | Ego States and "Conversational and Transactional Analysis"
Introduction - Why you should read psychology and behavioral patterns
Ego - What is EGO? Let’s debunk it from the Freudian X Jung perspective
Structural Analysis - Structuring and Top-level understanding of ego states from eric berne
Transactional Analysis - Communication and analysis of different conversations and transactions we do every day
Games people play - a list of games people play - intentionally / unintentionally
Conclusion
Introduction
We are more complex than we know, and our perspective to view the world changes when we know how complex we are and the way we have been thinking before. The way Freud and Jung changed the perspective and thinking order of the world about thinking, ego, consciousness, and more important concepts, after that many practitioners and thinkers followed their concepts and discovered other deep concepts and research about the human mind.
While Freud divided the psyche into the unconscious, preconscious, and conscious, Jung divided the ego, the personal unconscious, and the collective unconscious.
Berne's theory of transactional analysis was based on the ideas of Freud but was distinctly different. In transactional analysis, the communicator is taught to alter the ego state as a way to solve emotional problems.
In this article, we will explore the work of Eric Berne a popular psychologist in the 90s, he developed a new theory “Transactional Analysis”. In 1958 he published the paper “Transactional Analysis: A New and Effective Methods of Group Therapy” and in 1964 he published the book “Games People Play” which is a compilation of different observed experiments and research.
We will explore the different ego states and why they are important to survive humans on daily basis.
When we interact with others, we’re actually playing games - from life games to power games and competitive games. Most of these games are destructive and are being played unconsciously. By understanding and recognizing the games we play, we can start to take control of our responses and develop more fulfilling and secure relationships.
EGO and The Psyche
Ego and the psyche are portrayed in different way in different philosophy but at the end all merges in the same ocean of definition and understanding. In Hinduism the aghori’s and yogic scriptures and literature uses different terms and definition but if looked deeply at the end merged into one, similarly stoic or zen philosophy, because we are constant and definitions can’t be changed, yes practices and philosophy are different and meant to pass on and the knowledge alters overtime. Here we will go through the perspective of psychological philosophy and through Jungian and Freudian methods to understand, because a mere newsletter article is not enough to go through each stream of same definition and understanding.
What is EGO?
Ego is the image you have of yourself
According to Jung, the ego is the center of your consciousness and identity: “a complex of ideas which constitutes the center of one’s field of consciousness and appears to possess a high degree of continuity and identity”. He also refers to the ego as “the subject of consciousness”, as “there can be no consciousness when there is no one to say: I am conscious”.
Jung believed that consciousness is selective, and the ego is the part of the self that selects the most relevant information from the environment and chooses a direction to take based on it, while the rest of the information sinks into the unconscious.
What is the psyche?
In layman’s terms - the psyche is the totality of the human mind, conscious and unconscious.
Freud believed that the psyche was separated into three parts: the ego, the id, and the superego.
Jung believed that the unconscious mind was filled with repressed memories that had a strong influence on a person’s behavior.
EGO is the image you have of yourself
Shadow sits opposite the Ego, and contains all the traits you repress
Persona is the subset of the Ego you present to other people
Animx is the subset of the Shadow that you find acceptable in other people, despite being personally unacceptable
Structural Analysis
The human ego is divided into three states
From time to time people show noticeable changes in posture, viewpoints, voice vocabulary, and other aspects of behavior. These behavioral changes are often accompanied by shifts in patterns corresponding to one state of mind, while another set is related to a different psychic attitude, often inconsistent with the first. These changes and differences give rise to ego states.
In technical language, an ego state may be described as a coherent system of feelings and operationally as a set of coherent behavior patterns.
Each individual seems to have available a limited repertoire of such ego states which are not roles but psychological realities.
These repertoires can be sorted into the following categories:
Ego states which resemble those of parental figure
Ego states are autonomously directed towards objective appraisal reality.
Those which represent archaic relics are still active ego states which were fixated in early childhood.
Technically these are called respectively exteropsychic, neopsychic, and archaeopsychich ego states.
These ego states reside in humans, the difference is how much they are activated or suppressed and each ego state performs or has a set of responsibilities.
That every individual has had parent (or substitute parents) and that he carries within him a set of ego states that reproduce the ego states of those parents and that these parental states can be activated under certain circumstances.
Colloquially: “Everyone carries his parents inside of him”
Every individual (including children, the mentally retarded, and schizophrenics) is capable of objective data processing if the appropriate ego states can be activated (neopsychic functioning)
Colloquially: “Everyone has an adult”
Every individual was once younger than he is now and that he carries within him fixated relics from earlier years which will be activated under certain circumstances.
Colloquially: “Everyone carries a little boy or girl around inside of him”
Actually, the child is in many ways the most valuable part of the personality and can contribute to the individual’s life, like exactly what a child contributes to family life: Charm, pleasure, and creativity. If the child in the individual is confused and unhealthy, then the consequences may be unfortunate, but something can be and should be done about it.
The same applies to the word “mature” and “immature”. In the psychology literature system, there is no such thing as an “immature person”. There are the only people in whom the child takes over inappropriately or unproductively, bit all such people have a completely well-structured adult, which only needs to be uncovered or activated. Conversely so called “mature people” are people who are able to keep the adult in control most of the time, but their child will take over on occasion like anyone else often with disconcerting results.
In the case of parent ego states, the parent is exhibited in two forms - direct and indirect. As an active ego state, and as an influence when it is directly active, the person responds as his own father(or mother) actually responded (“Do as I do”). When it is an indirect influence, he/she responds the way they wanted him to respond (“Don’t do as I do, do as I say”).
In the first case he becomes one of them, in the second he adapts to their requirements”
Thus the child is also exhibited in two forms; the adapted child and the natural child.
The adapted child is the one who modifies his behavior under the parental influence. He behaves as the father or mother wanted him/her to behave, compliantly or preconsciously. Or he adapts himself by withdrawing or whining. Thus the parental influence is a cause and the adapted child an effect.
Ego states are normal and natural physiological phenomena. The human brain is the organ or organizer of psychic life, and its products are organized and stored in the form of ego states.
Each type of ego state has its own vital value for the human organism.
If the child resides, intuition, creativity, and spontaneous drive and enjoyment. The adult is necessary for survival. It processes data and computes the probabilities which are essential for dealing effectively with the outside world. Another task of the adult is to regulate the activities of the parent and the child and to mediate objectively between them.
The parent has two main functions, first, it enables the individual to act effectively as the parent of the actual children, thus promoting the survival of the human race. Secondly, it makes many responses automatic, which conserves a great deal of time and energy, many things are done because “That’s the way it’s done”. This frees the adult from the necessity of making innumerable trivial decisions so that it can devote itself to more important issues, leaving routine matters to the parent.
Thus all three aspects of the personality have a high survival and living value, and it is only when one or the other of them disturbs the healthy balance that analysis and reorganization are indicated. Otherwise, each of them, Parent, Adult, and child is entitled to equal respect and has a legitimate place in a full and productive life.
Transactional Analysis
The unit of social intercourse is called a transaction. If two or more people encounter each other in a social aggregation, sooner or later one of them will speak, or give some other indication of acknowledging the presence of the others. This is called the transactional stimulus. Another person will then say something which is in some way related to this stimulus, and that is called the transactional response.
Simple transactional analysis is concerned with diagnosing which ego state implemented the transactional stimulus, and which one executed the transactional response.
The first rule of communication is that communication will proceed smoothly as long as transactions are complementary,and its corollary is that as long as transactions are complementary,communication can in principle, proceed indefinitely.These rules are independent of the nature and content of the transactions,they are based entirely on the direction of the vectors involved.As long as the transactions are complementary,it is irrelevant to the rule whether two people are engaging in critical gossip (Parent-Parent), solving a problem (Adult-Adult), or playing together (Child-Child or Parent-Child).
The converse rule is that communication is broken off when a cross-transaction occurs. The most common crossed transactions, and the one which caused and always has caused most of the social difficulties in the world,whether in marriage,love,friendship or work.
Complementary transactions occur when two people communicate with each other in the same role(Adult - Adult or Child - Child or Parent - Parent):
Person A: Did you finish that review yet? I really need it. (Adult role)
Person B: Yes. Actually, I was about to send you the reports. (Adult role)
Or
Person A: Hey, would you like to leave work a bit early and go for a bike ride by the river? (Child)
Person B: Yeah! I don't have a lot going on, so leaving early sounds great. (Child)
Crossed transactions take place when two people communicate with each other in different roles (Adult - Child or Child - Adult or Parent - Child):
Person A: Did you finish that review yet? I really need it. (Adult role)
Person B: Why are you always reminding me? I said I would finish it, and I'll get to it when I have time. (Child)
Or
Person A: Hey, would you like to leave work a bit early and go for a bike ride by the river? (Child)
Person B: You really need to act more responsibly. Next time you ask me to do something like this, I'm going to tell the boss, and you'll get in trouble. (Parent)
The best rule of communication as mentioned earlier is being in complementary state of communication, understand the ego state of the person’s whom you are having conversation and respond them in complementary state, if crossed transaction happens it’s the end.
Games People Play
According to Eric Berne, games are set, stereotypical patterns of interaction. Think of it as an “act” that someone puts on.
He defines a game as “an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome”. A game is played to satisfy some hidden motivation, and always involves a 'payoff'. From this, we begin to understand why people do not readily rid themselves of the games they play.
Most of the time people are not aware they are playing games; this is just a normal part of social interaction. Games are a lot like playing poker, in which one hides one real motivations as part of the strategy to achieve the payoff.
For example, in the “Insurance game”, no matter what the agent appears to be doing in conversation, if he is a hard player he is really looking for or working on a prospect. What he is after, if he is worth his salt, is to “make a killing”. The same applies to the real estate game and similar occupations like salesman and marketing peoples play.
In the book “Games People Play” the games are divided into different categories to understand it easy, some of the categories are:
Life Games
Marital Games
Party Games
Sexual Games
Underworld Games
Consulting Room Games
Each games has sub-parts and their analysis are detailed and length, but here are some of the popular games which people play on daily-basis.
"Why Don't You - Yes, But": In this game, one person presents a problem or issue, and the other person offers a series of solutions. However, the second person rejects each solution with a "Yes, but..." statement. The game continues until the first person gives up or becomes frustrated.
"The Silent Treatment": In this game, one person stops speaking to another person as a form of punishment or control. The other person may then try to "win" the game by apologizing or trying to make amends.
"Courtroom": In this game, two people argue a point as if they were in a courtroom. The goal is to win the argument and prove the other person wrong.
These games have patterns and paradigms and whatever game it is at the end the analysis is done like this:
Thesis : This is a general description of the games, including the immediate sequence of events and information about their psychological background and significance.
Antithesis : Antithesis is a concept in "Games People Play" that refers to the opposite or inverse of a game. In other words, antithesis is the game that someone would play in order to counter or avoid the dynamics of a particular game.
Aim : Aim is simple the general purpose of the game.
Roles : Ego states are not roles but phenomena. Therefore ego states and roles have to be distinguished in a formal description.Each game has its own set of roles, and these roles define the social transactions that take place during the game.
Dynamics : dynamics refer to the underlying psychological forces that drive and shape the games people play. These forces include factors such as power, control, submission, and dominance, and they play out in the roles and transactions of a particular game.
Transactional Paradigm : The Transactional Paradigm refers to the idea that social interactions between people can be understood as a series of transactions. Each transaction involves an exchange of social goods, such as attention, approval, affection, or power.
Game : "Why Don't You
Description : Yes, But": In this game, one person presents a problem or issue, and the other person offers a series of solutions. However, the second person rejects each solution with a "Yes, but..." statement. The game continues until the first person gives up or becomes frustrated.
Thesis : See if you can present a solution I can’t find fault with.
Aim : Reassurance
Dynamics : Helpless person, Advisers.
Dynamics : Surrender Conflict
Example : 1) Helpless wife 2) Yes, but I can’t do my homework now because…
Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult
Adult : “What do you do if…”
Adult : “Why don’t you…”
Adult : “Yes, but…”
Psychological Paradigm : Parent-Child
Parent: “I can make you grateful for my help”
Child: “Go ahead and try”
Moves : 1) Problem-Solution 2) Objection-Solution
Advantages : 1) Internal psychological reassurance 2) Existential - Everybody wants to dominate me.
Conclusion
In "Games People Play," Eric Berne argues that human interactions are often structured like games, with hidden rules and social transactions. These games are played out in our everyday lives, and they can be harmful or beneficial, depending on how they are played.
Berne identifies a variety of different games, from the innocuous to the harmful, and he provides examples of how they are played in different social situations. He also explores the psychological dynamics that underlie these games, including the roles of dominance, submission, and transactional analysis.
In the end, Berne's goal is to help people become more aware of the games they play and the impact they have on their lives and relationships. By understanding the rules of these games and the underlying psychology, people can choose to play or not play certain games, and they can take control of their own lives and interactions.
References:
Book: Games People Play
Links:
- https://www.thesap.org.uk/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/carl-gustav-jung/jungs-model-psyche/
